In a better frame of mind.
The grumpy cloud has lifted..... I hope
On starting this blog I had a swell of positivity. I really have very little clue what I’m doing and know that it is very unlikely many people, if any will read my ramblings however I felt good for at least starting it. I could also quickly recognise the benefit of structuring my thoughts and putting them down on paper. Then a cloud appeared. I felt irritable, frustrated and my thoughts came as spikey little thrones that only served to worsen the way I felt. Nothing in particular changed, no bad event all that altered was my perception and tolerance of the world around me. I realise that this is fact may be the hardest thing about blogging. Overcoming my own desire to shut down and internalise my thoughts and feelings. It becomes all too easy to become wrapped up in our own thoughts and perceptions of events around us. I dwell and let the small insignificant things take hold and overwhelm me. I was once taught an interesting technique. Imagine a list of what is most important to you, number 1-5. Now imagine those are five glasses and you hold a jug. Which do you choose to fill up first? When asked I instantly answered, my kids! They are the most important to me and are my priority. It wasn’t until I pictured five glasses that I realised I was emptying my jug on things that really didn’t mean that much to me. This left me feeling inadequate, lacking and unfulfilled. It is so easy to become distracted by the small stuff. One important gift having ME has taught me is that since my energy is drastically limited I have to think very hard about where I pour my jug. If I have a bad day and I’m struggling why would I spend any of it on negativity or on things that really don’t matter that much to me. Having less has in a way given me more. Well almost. Let’s just say it’s a work in progress. Often I have to look back over previous days and say ‘what the hell were you thinking?’ One glass I’ve been trying to keep topped up recently is my own one. I never felt justified in treating myself or indulging in a treat. A few weeks back I saw something in Lidl that I fancied. It wasn’t for the house, the kids, dog or family. It was simply for me, my pleasure and I bought it. It has now become my little docking station where I can escape recharge and sometimes have a wee doze. I use it to reflect or to be honest I just hide away in it and try to chill out. It is important to do something for ourselves every now and then. This may not be anyone else’s thing but I love it x
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