The house is unnervingly quite for this time of morning. Summer holidays have began and this may possibly be the kids having a lay in at last. I did role over at 7am to find my son snuggled in beside me but he just smiled that most handsome of smiles, rolled over and went back to sleep. This gives me the rare opportunity to come downstairs and enjoy my coffee in silence. Well almost but I don’t count the ticking of the clock and the snores emanating from the dog bed. This, for me, is a good start to the day. It allows my brain time to start up, ponder the jobs of the day and then find a suitable rhythm to trundle through what lies ahead. Too often I wake to my brain racing, each thought coming faster than the next. A run down of the tasks in need of completion, an anxiety filled review of tasks which should have already have been done but lie in wait. Having been diagnosed with ME a few years back I have been forced to look at my life through a magnifying glass. To analyse every emotion, activity and event. To perform a post-mortem in an attempt to identify cause and effect. I couldn’t understand how I could wake after a full night sleep, fresh and ready to face the day then within an hour feel exhausted, sore and desperate for another full night sleep. How was it possible? What was I doing wrong? Why is my body doing this to me? These were questions neither I nor my doctor had answers for. I desperately searched for explanations and remedies to disentangle the cycle of exhaustion but to no avail. If anything my frantic search made matters worse. Not content to simply sit back and except my situation I researched ME treatments and although there is no cure, I found two treatments which seemed to provide some benefit. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and mindfulness. Theses are in no way quick fixes or solutions to the problem but have helped me step back and look at how I live my life and also see familiar trappings in other people. Modern life puts us under immense pressure however the pressure we put on ourselves is often the worst of all.
Kids awake, silence is shattered, time to kick into action. Until next time, take care
Erin x
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